But They Looked Harmless

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard people say this about a stranger, “they looked so nice” or “I bet they don’t have a mean bone in their body.” When I hear things like that, I ask them, “how can you tell?” They usually answer with “they are handsome, nice smile, dressed to the “T”, have a child with them, well groomed” and the like. I simply nod and ask the same question again “but, how can you say that they mean you no harm just by looking at them (but with a bit more umph on HOW).” That really gets them thinking. 

Did you know that bad guys can dress nicely or poorly? They can appear charming or aggressive. They can surround themselves with children to appear approachable. They can smile at you with beautiful white teeth or have poor hygiene. To make a blanket statement like “they looked harmless” can get you in trouble.

Remember the saying “actions speak louder than words?” Well, since appearances can be deceiving, let’s focus on a few characteristics of a threat.

I think that the definition of the word “threat” is very hostile. It means “a statement of an intention to inflict pain, injury, damage, or other evil action on someone in retribution for something done or not done. A threat is an impending danger that has the potential to cause serious harm—it just hasn't done so yet.”

There are four types of threats: direct, indirect, veiled and conditional.

1. A direct threat is straightforward, has a focused target and is obvious in intent. It can mean considerable harm to our health and safety and cannot be swayed by reasonable means.
2. An indirect threat is more vague, confusing and more difficult to see the motivation. It is unclear words and gestures.
3. A veiled threat is implying consequences without specifics. It hides meaning and intent. A veiled threat is verbal.
4. A conditional threat is also verbal. This threat is dependent on the victims’ actions or inactions. Basically, if their demands are not met then harm may come to you.

Scenario:

You have been shopping at the mall for the last two hours and you are feeling pretty darn proud of yourself because the last few people on your gift list have been completed. You are walking to your car, and you see a nice-looking man in an arm sling struggling to put some packages in the trunk of his car.

You are just about to pass him when he looks up and smiles. You notice that he has beautiful teeth and is wearing a red sweater vest to match the festive season.

He asks if you could help him, points to his arm sling and smiles again. He jokes about “buying gifts that are too big to get in his car one-handed” and points to the sling again.

Your intuition is screaming at you, “this is a threat and to avoid”. You make some distance, tell him that you can’t help him, and quickly move to your car.

What “threats” could happen next?

1. Conditional Threat: He stops what he is doing and yells “if you keep walking away, I will only chase you down”
2. Veiled Threat: He stops what he is doing and yells “it would be a shame if something happened to that nice face of yours.”
3. Indirect Threat: He stops what he is doing, makes two fists, waves his arms aggressively and says, “you better run”.
4. Direct Threat: He stops what he is doing, brandishes a knife and starts running toward you.

When it comes to threats, 1 and 2 are the winners. Have POM pepper spray in your hand, move quickly and efficiently to your car or back into the mall (whichever is closer) and get to safety. Call 911.

Make note that in 3 he makes fists and moves his arms aggressively. What happened to that injured arm in the sling?

When it comes to 4, if you don’t have a plan already in place, you may end up a victim.

Is there a way to avoid 1, 2, 3 and 4? Maybe. Try this:

• Walk through the mall doors looking near to far, walk with confidence and with purpose. Your pepper spray is in your pocket.
• You see the guy putting packages in his car and you notice the sling. He is attractive, healthy-looking and seems like no threat, but you still avoid him by walking on the other side of the lane.
• He stops what he is doing and asks for help. You pre-deploy your POM pepper spray, make eye contact, continue past him and say that you are unable to help. You do not stop or even slow down.
• When he asks again, you ignore and quickly keep moving while keeping an eye on him.

I can’t say for sure that he won’t follow you but the steps above certainly do not make you look like a vulnerable target.